Being a mom is tough... It really, really is. The hours are long and the job is extremely demanding physically, emotionally and spiritually. But I'm not here to complain about being a mom, I love my kids, and it's well worth all the energy and sleep deprivation we go through. However, I have noticed something in recent years. While I believe that we moms, should be each others biggest cheerleaders and supporters, I find we often cause each other the most stress. If I am being totally honest, I would say that I have spent a lot of the last couple years feeling intimidated, insecure and guilty when it comes to my parenting. It absolutely breaks my heart when I talk to friends that have been made to feel less of a parent by other Christian moms due to choices they have made for their families. There are a lot of strong opinions out there about things like birth control, natural childbirth, breast feeding, cloth diapering, allowing your child to "cry it out, " homeschooling and on and on. I will not state my opinions on any of these issues in this post, because that's all they are, my opinions. I instead want to look at the way our opinions effect other moms.
I think that many Christian moms/stay at home moms have had to deal with a lot of criticism from society on the choices they have made for their families. We have been made to feel like our job doesn't matter or that we are somehow less important because we aren't out earning a paycheck. It is devastating to me that our culture has such a warped view on the value of motherhood. It is a job that I am proud to have and consider myself lucky that I have a husband that values me being home with our kids enough to make the sacrifices our family has had to make in order for me to do so. However, I feel that sometimes, in our defense of what we do at home, we have allowed the pendulum to swing to far the other way. In order to feel justified of our choices we have declared our choices, the ONLY right choices. That leads me to my feelings these past couple of years. I find myself surrounded by moms who feel extremely strongly that this or that is what is best for children. I have felt selfish, guilty, and extremely intimidated that I didn't feel like I could do this or that, since this or that is what is best for children. Now, I know that ultimately that I am responsible for my feelings and insecurities. It just pains me that in an effort to make ourselves feel okay, we often end up making someone else feel horrible. I do not consider myself blameless in this area. I had a friend this past year read my blog and tell me that she was surprised to hear about my struggles, because she had me pegged as one of those moms who "had it all together." Well, nothing could be further from the truth. I have spent the last couple years trying to figure out what on earth I'm supposed to be doing with these precious children God has entrusted to me to raise. I've suffered sleepless nights concerned about the decisions I was making. Suddenly doubting things I'd always believed and planned to do because other strong Christians were doing it another way. Finally, after years of struggling and wrestling with all of this, I've come to the conclusion I think I knew all along but was afraid to really grab hold of.
I am supposed to be the mom that God create ME to be. Not the mom he created my best friend to be. Not the mom he created that woman at Bible Study to be. Not the mom he created YOU to be, but the mom he created ME to be. I think I always knew that, but I finally have a plan to figure out who he created me to be. I was at a Family Camp last week and our speaker challenged us all that we need to be reading through the entire Bible often. He also said that whenever he reads through the Bible from start to finish he does so with a specific purpose. For example he just finished reading through the Bible studying everything that God had to say about prayer. So, I decided that I am going to start reading through the Bible taking notes and studying everything God has to say about marriage, family, parenting, etc. I am actually super excited. I feel like I am finally asking the only person I really need to give an answer to what HE thinks I should do. I am looking forward to doing a lot of listening, letting the scripture speak to me. I think I've gotten so caught up reading so many Blogs, reading books, talking to friends, and listening to women's speakers, that I lost track of the only voice that really counts. Not only am I looking forward to studying the scripture with this goal in mind, but I know that I will be blessed simply from being in the word more regularly. My kids I know are best parented not when I am following any formulas from any book, but rather when I am filling myself with God's word and asking him to empty me of myself and help me to love my kids with his love.
Now I hope that you know I am not saying that I am against reading books, going to women's conferences, or seeking friends advice. I am also not saying that any or all of the issues I mentioned above are right or wrong. We just need to realize that we all have different life situations, convictions and that the body is made of many different and beautiful parts. I hope we can all stop and think before we jump up on our soapbox about our pet issues, whether we are harming our sister's in Christ by stating that our way is THE way. Instead let us meditate on the following, "Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, BUT ONLY WHAT IS HELPFUL FOR BUILDING OTHERS UP ACCORDING TO THEIR NEEDS, THAT IT MAY BENEFIT THOSE WHO LISTEN." ~Ephesians 4:29. I pray that we can all give ourselves and other moms the Freedom to be the mom God has called us to be!
