Saturday, August 14, 2010
Be the Mom God Has Called YOU to Be!
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
In the Desert
My faith has always been one steered by truth and not merely emotion. I learned a long time ago that God doesn't always "feel" close and that there are times when he actually feels extremely far away and even silent in our lives. However, just as it was true for Joshua in the book of Deuteronomy, it is true for me today, "The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; He will never leave you or forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged." (Deut. 31:8) I also learned early on that God never changes, so when he feels distant, it is most likely that I am the one that has moved. "Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and tomorrow." (Hebrews 13:8) So what is my point? This is not a new concept. Most of us know God will never leave us and he is never changing.
My point is this, for the past several weeks, I have been going through one of the biggest spiritual droughts of my life. I have felt distant, disconnected and quite frankly discouraged in my relationship with God. If I may be even more honest, I am only now beginning to come out of this drought. However, it is now more than ever that I am clinging to the fact that God promised never to leave me and that his word is always true. I may not "feel" his presence or "feel" the joy of his truth, but it is true none the less. I know that I am not alone and that most people experience times like this. I really just wanted to encourage anyone else who finds or will find themselves in the midst of a spiritual desert. I want to encourage you to claim God's promises then more than ever.
Let me explain. As can be expected my recent spiritual drought has not just taken a toll on me. I have been a less than stellar mother, my temper has been shorter and my attitude less than desirable. In addition, my marriage has struggled as well. I have not chosen to love as Christ would have me love, because I feel disconnected from the ultimate source of love. I feel at times that I am on the outside looking in. I see my behavior and attitudes and am quite disgusted with myself. I find myself frustrated asking, "God how did I get here, why am I acting this way, what is wrong with me?!" Often times I feel I am met with silence, left alone with my thoughts. I kept thinking of all the things I needed to change in order to get back to a place where God would want me. However, I was reminded, that just as God doesn't expect new believers to fix themselves before coming to him, he shows me that same grace as a believer that has wandered. I also finally remembered the truths I mentioned above, God/Jesus is still the same, even though currently I have changed. So even though my heart is heavy I can still claim his truth in my life. I have asked him to give me his patience with my children and to take my anger from me. And although I may not feel him lifting the burden or the warmth of his presence, I am still very much aware that he is stepping in. When I surrender, and allow him to be who he is, my life is changed in spite of me.
I know that God will completely bring me through this time, however, I'm aware there will be many more times like this in my walk in the future. I also know that there are some big steps to be taken by me. I know there is repentance that needs to take place and obedience in some hard areas that needs to follow. I am starting to pinpoint some of my decisions and choices that led to this season. I am amazed that God is still waiting patiently as I take several twists and turns while I make my way back to his waiting arms. I will end with this truth, "Jesus answered them, 'It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick.'" (Luke 5:31) I feel this is applicable to both the non-believer and the believer who is distanced from the Lord. God is there, he is waiting for you to draw near to him. He will meet you where you are, you don't need to be "fixed" before he will help you. In fact, he is the only one that can make us whole again!